Wednesday, May 30, 2007

An emotional outburst of the passionate sort

Yesterday was a very emotional day - a disturbing and debilitating one; I was feeling weak and a bit out of control and I wasn't in my full strength to handle my senses. Hence, I was experiencing another painful catharsis.

The culprit was my so steadfast and stubborn... passionate love for Shane (Damn! I just can't seem to move one!). This feeling of yearning for his company and time was just so terribly excruciating; I just couldn't seem to detach this love from my system merely because I still didn't want to... (Absurd it was...). And so, my mind was floating in thin air as I was doing my office tasks on my desk; Half of my attention was on Shane and on the melodramatic and heart-impaling lines of songs that unsuspectedly played from my shuffled iTunes. One of these songs was Only a Friend by Gary Valenciano and it went...

Will it matter if I told you just how much I long to be more to you
Coz only a friend can mend a heart that’s torn and broke in two
And only a friend can keep your trust and love you just for just being you
Only a fool can overlook the way I look at you
But it doesn’t really matter after all
Coz I’m only a friend to you

It's pathetic to think that after two months of telling the truth to Shane, nothing has significantly changed from my perspective. He still is the one. I am so stubbornly bridled to him. I can get loose but I simply don't want to... I just simply can't! This is ridiculous 'cause I obviously know the solution to my problem. The only question is when and how to deal with the solution...

I told my best friend about my emotional crisis yesterday. Too bad we were not able to have another SB session. Nevertheless, she surprised me for being present despite the heavy downpour (Thanks bestfriend! I appreciate the gesture.). She even got me a Raspberry Frapp (my favorite)!
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