Jamie Sullivan: "Without suffering, there would be no compassion."An apparently funny, objectively stupid, and ultimately touching short graphic animation that evokes a seemingly superficial side of me. Presenting, Kiwi.... (Thanks to Roxie for reminding me about this)
Kiwi can't fly, he can never fly.... Yet he wants to feel, to experience, the greatest leap any bird can ever achieve. Even if he already knows it isn't possible, he takes the risk, the chance. Even if everything he wants is an end in itself... a sad end at that....
IS WEIRD
... when you suddenly transcend to the 4th position from being the 31st in a class
... when you enjoy integration and differentiation in calculus, together with analytic geometry while your classmates are freaking nervous whenever an 8-page fully-graphed exam paper is given by your weird teacher
... when you memorize all the currencies of all the countries in the world and be called a walking encyclopedia
... when you get the highest grades from all the highest-weighted subjects but you're not even the Valedictorian or the Salutatorian
... when you make the school team win in a knowledge quiz bee competition despite you being just a one-day replacement for an absent member
... when you get a perfect score in your final exam in Numerical Analysis and half of your classmates are dying to pull their scores up to the passing mark
... when you become the class president, when you tutor your other classmates in Calculus, Statistics, Discrete Mathematics and Accounting... despite you being the youngest
SUCKS
... when you live-up a year unknowingly wavering your relationship with your one best friend
... when you do not realize enough how your best friend cares and appreciates you
... when you can't bring back the same relationship you've had with your best friend simply because now is not yesterday
... when you cry in the presence of your teacher and classmates because of a line from the Secret of the Fox
... when you're foolishly in love
... when you love and not be loved in return
... when people think just because you're queer you're all loquacious and promiscuous
... when you get exposed to premature sexual encounters that taint your innocence
... when people think you're all perfect when you're not
... when you're misunderstood
... when you're too kind
... when you unintentionally hurt someone's feelings
I'm thrashing through the meandering path of jeopardy
Uncertain of what will commence.
I'm fearful but ready
Wary but naive.
It's a risk I am taking.
A sincere act I choose to do.
I only rely on what I sense
That's all and just I.
So here I am, ready to take a step
Of jovial pursuit and wishful sighs.
Though I know that the path is rough
I still take courage to move ahead;
Even if bereavement is imminent.
Whatever happens, I am responsible.
For this life that I keep, I is the navigator.
Play safe no more - it's not living at all.
'Cause I'd want to fail trying
Than not trying at all.
Yesterday was a very emotional day - a disturbing and debilitating one; I was feeling weak and a bit out of control and I wasn't in my full strength to handle my senses. Hence, I was experiencing another painful catharsis.
The culprit was my so steadfast and stubborn... passionate love for Shane (Damn! I just can't seem to move one!). This feeling of yearning for his company and time was just so terribly excruciating; I just couldn't seem to detach this love from my system merely because I still didn't want to... (Absurd it was...). And so, my mind was floating in thin air as I was doing my office tasks on my desk; Half of my attention was on Shane and on the melodramatic and heart-impaling lines of songs that unsuspectedly played from my shuffled iTunes. One of these songs was Only a Friend by Gary Valenciano and it went...Will it matter if I told you just how much I long to be more to you
Coz only a friend can mend a heart that’s torn and broke in two
And only a friend can keep your trust and love you just for just being you
Only a fool can overlook the way I look at you
But it doesn’t really matter after all
Coz I’m only a friend to you
It's pathetic to think that after two months of telling the truth to Shane, nothing has significantly changed from my perspective. He still is the one. I am so stubbornly bridled to him. I can get loose but I simply don't want to... I just simply can't! This is ridiculous 'cause I obviously know the solution to my problem. The only question is when and how to deal with the solution...
I told my best friend about my emotional crisis yesterday. Too bad we were not able to have another SB session. Nevertheless, she surprised me for being present despite the heavy downpour (Thanks bestfriend! I appreciate the gesture.). She even got me a Raspberry Frapp (my favorite)!
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