Monday, September 24, 2007

A Declaration to My Parents

September 23, 2007
- Sunday -
In 1972, this was the same day martial law was announced to the public by the then president Ferdinand Marcos.


My Mama and I, together with my youngest brother, were watching DVD inside our family room on a rainy afternoon. My Tatang (father), on the other hand, was taking a bath, preparing himself for his weekend pastime with his friends.

"There is something inside me that wants to explode. It has been whirling round my mind and I cannot help but be preoccupied by it. There is willingness inside, a humble soul that wants to speak his heart. But is it courageous enough? I hoped it is."

Yacu (Me): "Ma, ninung ginawa quing nickname cu."
(Who invented my nickname?)

Mama: "Di dara mu. I dara mung D**y. Ya naman mamyeng lagyu que cayu."
(Your Aunt D**y. She's the one who creates nicknames for you and your cousins.)

Yacu: "Bala na kasi ning meg-interview cacu napun gawa-gawa que. Sabi cu pin caya, Tita cu ing ginawa quing nickname cu. Childhood nickname que pa ita."
(The interviewer thought I made it myself. I said then to her that my Aunt was the one who made it. It's a childhood nickname.)
(Mama did not reply after this. She intently watched the movie.)
Yacu: "Ene kasi balung i-pronounce. I think she found it too... [unuttered:gay]"
(She did not know how to pronounce it. I think she found it too.... [unuttered:gay])

"Gosh! I could not utter the word! Err..."

"Why can't I say it? Am I too scared? Too ashamed to say it? I've just made an introduction just to help me spill out the right words..."

My Tatang finished bathing and went on choosing a shirt to wear from the cabinet. I asked him, "Are you going?". "Yes", he said, sensing a bit weird on my tone.

"Why do you ask", he said.
"Uhmmm. I want to say something"
"What is it?"
(I paused.)
"You want me to buy you something?"
"No. Uhmmm... I'll just tell you tomorrow.", I said, getting a bit cowardly at that moment.
(Mama just watching intently on the TV.)
"He wants you to buy me and him a laptop.", my youngest brother jokingly told.
"No, it's not that.", I answered quickly.
"Then what is it?", Tatang said, a bit annoyed by my hesitance.
"What is it? You'll just make me worry, thinking about that if you'll not tell it now."
Mama suddenly spoke up, a bit agitated. "Tell us. Here we go again. You start telling something, then suddenly you stop talking."
"What is it? About what?", Tatang said.
"Uhmmm... It's about me."
"Then, what about you?"
"Uhhh... Yesterday, during the interview... the interviewer asked me if I were straight or gay..."
(Finally... I uttered the word.)
"So what did you say?"
(Surprised by the boldness my father demonstrated, I got a bit awestruck...)
"The truth...", I said.
"('Yon naman pala...) I told you before, we [your parents] are here just to give you advice. I never forced you to do anything against your will. Besides, we can't really choose who our children will be. As long you are being a good citizen, there's no problem with that. I do not ask anything more than for you my children to be very loving to each other."
"As long as you're not doing anything wrong...", my Mama added.

"Hearing those kind words come from my parents' mouths was total bliss. The passing of arguments, the cries, the nonacceptance... that I imagined before is not what I encountered."

I hugged my Mama, while my Tatang was saying his words. When he finished, he went on his way towards the room's door. I said, "Wait!".

Then was the time I had my longest hug with my father.


"My parents are naturally evasive from the common family drama that one would watch from a telenovela. I've long been accepting that fact. Despite their mere expression of thoughts and feelings, I know deep down those straight faces is a humble manifestation of parental love to their child that is I." (^_^)

A mis padres, los amo mucho!


Anonymous said...

oh man! congrats! ;) i feel vicariously happy. i salute your parents, especially your dad.

Drake said...

Thanks for your kind remarks velvet rage. I feel blest to have such parents.

roxie said...

Ako din! Happy para sayo =)

Drake said...

Thanks Ef! Hehe. =)

Makoy said...

I'm happy for you!

Yas Ligtas said...

g.o.o.d. f.o.r. y.o.u. drake. :)

Drake said...

@Makoy & Yas: Muchas gracias! =)

chase said...

i wish i have that kind of relationship with my dad.
i miss my mum terribly. =)

Drake said...

Well, apparently, my dad and I are not really very close, considering closeness on an emotional level. It's just that he's one very understanding person with an open mind. He's not also the type of person that would subvert someone's reputation with some ill-willed prejudice. With that, I am blessed to have such a father.

Go and see you're mum. I'm sure she misses you too. Thanks Chase. =)

Liza's Eyeview said...

wonderful parents you have. I'm sure it's a relief to get it all out and let them know ...

Drake said...

Thanks Liza! True... a relief it was... =)

ruff nurse-du-jour said...

aw gawd drake! i'm speechless! =)

darn, i couldn't even type what i wanted to say!

i'm just so freaking happy for you. seriously! i have never imagined opening up to my parents regarding my sexuality. its just that im afraid of too much drama. i know naman that theyll probably understand where im coming from but i still have some reservations na hindi ko pa rin maexplain or rationalize up until now.

siguro pag sobrang independent na lang ako and my dad no longer has a heart condition (hahaha, as if mawawala yun no). im afraid i might give him a heart attack or something.

kudos drake. kudos. just kudos.

Drake said...

Thanks Ruff! Same here, I was also speechless when I told my parents.

Sorry to know the condition of your father. I just hope he gets better to the least.

Basta, sobrang saya ko non. Salamat Ruff!

Dex said...

That was a nice post. You are lucky to have such great parents. Good for you. :-)

Drake said...

Thanks Dex. I feel blest with their empathy despite its elusiveness. =)

Transformer said...


Drake said...

Hehe. Thanks for dropping by Transformer.