My high school crush knows I'm queer

Before you think of anything about this high school crush of mine, let me tell you straight, it's not a HE but a SHE. Yes, Roxie (not her real name of course - she'll kill me for this name though), who is a close friend of mine, was also my high school crush. Well, I must admit I had a few good looking guy schoolmates then and I admired them for being such. Then again, they were just mere eye candies to the gullible queer eyes.

I'd been meaning to meet Roxie. One reason for that was I owe her a coffee drink... no, two coffee drinks from Starbucks. We had a few attempts in the past year to meet up for coffee, but our busy schedules weren't fitting enough. Last Friday, July 27, was the fulfillment of a long-awaited day, and I got a revelation for her she didn't expect.

Apparently, my "telling the story" of our rendezvous was not initially planned. For all I knew then, I just wanted to meet her personally to exchange each other's recent stories and catch up on our friendship. Though we got to talk almost everyday through Instant Messaging over Yahoo! Messenger, we did not often have all the time to chitchat (We had work to do, you know... hehe). It's just fortunate timing that I was confident enough to open up to her.

I was so at ease to tell her about who I really am, which was surprisingly weird to me, as I was not good being in such a situation. I divulged the truth, but not through verbal execution, as lingering folks were just nearby - I didn't want to be in peril of "being known" by unknown people, not totally ready for that. So, I simply made a draft SMS on my phone, averring the queerness in me, and just said to read it from there and to tell me frankly her reactions. The SMS merely was...

Would you believe...
I'm gay...
Naghinala ka na ba dati pa? (Did you ever suspect I was such?)

Roxie did not have any sign of disdain, oddity or even mere surprise on her face. She was more of speechless I guessed (Or maybe because I was mostly doing all the talking and didn't give her the time to speak without me interrupting). I asked her again if she had suspicions, way back in our high school years, that I was a queer lad hiding in the closet. Her simple answer was no. She added that even if there were people asking her about my identity then in school, she simply said I wasn't what they were thinking - I was simply "that". (For one good feeling, I was touched by what Roxie said. She somehow "unknowingly" defended my vulnerable self then, who wasn't ready to unlock the closet)

The conversation went on; I did a fast track of the queer stuff of my yore to what's been in the recent. Roxie just listened patiently to my statements of far-out experiences and reformed beliefs. She did not expect I had gone through such occurrences and situations, of premature illicit sexual exposure, lack of familial emotional support, etcetera...

Happiness was what Roxie felt for me - that I was finally into what I had been neglecting years back. She just advised me on the realm that I am into. And I thanked her for that.

We finished our drinks way ahead the culmination of our talk. The mall was already closing when we finally capped the date. We parted ways with anticipation to meet once again before my departure to Israel.

Roxie had a great time, as she said she had. I had a meaningful moment with her as well. It's really nice to share life to close people, like close friends. It's like refurbishing olden ties to make them stronger.

I believed since then, that our friendship has become more grounded. Besides, as far as I can recall, that was our first heart to heart conversation. Thanks Roxie! (^_^)

Emancipation Anniversary Part 2

Best friend and I met again yesterday evening to have coffee session at Starbucks in Shangri-La Plaza mall, the same venue where I had my revelation a year ago. We were not able to get the same set of table and chairs we sat on before, so we just sufficed ourselves with a vacant sofa set, pretty much perfect for us.


As usual, I ordered my favorite Raspberry Iced Tea. Best friend wanted to eat SB's Oreo Cheesecake but unfortunately, it wasn't available. So, I just got her a Mango Ref Cake (I forgot the actual name of the dessert). As for me, I ordered a chocolate frosted Cream Puff.

Cream puffs are one of my guilty pleasures. I like their subtle sweet taste and creamy centers. As for the Cream Puff I got last night, too bad to say, wasn't at par to the other cream puffs I divinely enjoyed in the past. The bread was a bit tougher for its class ("makunat-kunat" if I'd say in the vernacular). The cream, though generously filling the whole pastry, was lacking its buttery taste. It actually tasted more of the commercial whipped cream, and wasn't gourmet at all. The epicure in me was unsatisfied. Then again, I did not let it spoil the occasion.

To console my bereft senses, I tasted best friend's Mango Cake. To my surprise, it was actually good! The taste was a tad different from that of the Sansrival, if not just for the mango.

While relishing our sweet treats, we talked about my coming to her and how I made my confession/revelation a year ago. We reminisce most of the details - how the talking started and ended. Though we both couldn't remember vividly everything, we still tried to pull out the memories we had left. It was nostalgia creeping through my veins as we tried to recap things.

Last year, I wasn't overly detailed about my revelation so as to be wary enough not to overwhelm best friend with the why-am-I-gay stuff . But yesterday, since we were just seemingly reminiscing everything, I decided to tell her the details. Of course, I asked her if it was OK with her 'cause everything I'd say required a very open mind and mature understanding. Giving a nod, I started to share with her the fragments of my incredible yore.*

We talked and talked, one piece of yesteryear segued to another. I tried to tell everything in chronology for her to understand everything well. The conversation went on not knowing that it's almost time for the mall to close. Though I wanted to extend the tete-a-tete, our personal curfews were cutting us short. So, we abruptly capped the day off and went to the MRT station, parting in opposite ways.

*I've been meaning to transcribe my past in this blog but haven't gotten the perfect time to do so. Soon is the time. ¡Adios!
Read more of this post...

After a fortnight of hiatus

Last Saturday was a satisfying fine day for me. After such an ostentatious week in the office and consequent lapses from my regular swim routine, I finally got the chance to swim again. Aside from that, my best friend and I rendezvoused again.... I missed these in the past fortnight....

My best friend and I met at around 1 PM at SM Megamall to have lunch together. We took our afternoon repasts from Pho Hoa. I ordered a small serving of Seafood Pho (Pho is Vietnamese noodle soup) and she had Grilled Chicken and Fried Spring Rolls. My bowl wasn't very delectable with it's bland mild taste. I was expecting a more brined soup since it's flavored seafood. Then again, it was still satisfying as there was a generous addition of fish fillet, shelled shrimps, and cuttle bone balls (a.k.a. Squid balls). Also, the bowl was relatively large despite the menu's averment of a small serving.

While we were serving our individual appetite, we started the conversation to catch up for the past days. Well, I did not much to talk about but I still managed to crack up some thoughts. Most of my talking revolved around Shane. I just gave my best friend an update on my current status/feelings regarding him. We talked about it as we finished our dishes. (I don't want to expound on the details. The mere point was that "I am moving on"... moving on gracefully.)

After paying the bill, we went for a short stroll to help the food inside our systems dribble down. We went to this garment stall to do my best friend's quick errand then went straight to Starbucks.

We ordered a Split Venti Azuki Blended-Coffee Frappuccino, the newest seasonal frap from SB. I never knew what's Azuki until I sipped the cold drink from my cup. Azuki's just simply red bean, which pretty much assimilated the taste and texture of the common red mung bean. (The drink reminded me of the red bean cold porridge my paternal grandmother used to cook divinely.) We also tried the new Azuki Scone (If you'd use your wild imagination on the Azuki toppings of the scone, you'd suspect them to be roach eggs. Eeeewww!).


I appreciated more the scone than the frap. The scone was what I expected it to be - two crumbly layers of biscuit sandwiching a spread of sweet Azuki paste. The Azuki frap, on the other hand, tasted bitter and "burnt" after a few sips, most probably because of the coffee. Maybe if it were a blended-cream, the taste would have been more pleasurable. Nevertheless, it wasn't really displeasing.

If you plan to get an Azuki frap, be warned that the Azuki beans are gritty on the tongue and palate. If you don't like such sensation, be wary not to enjoy the drink.

Talking about each other's recent experiences, from her encounter to her former-crush-turned-annoyance to her , to my nonsensical butt-ins (Haha!), segueing to unprecedented topics we did not intend to talk about, we finally capped our tete-a-tete at around 4:30 PM. From there, we bid goodbyes and parted ways. She went to the direction of Shangri-La Plaza Mall and I went straight to Cubao to get a bus going to my hometown - my usual weekend retreat from the bustling metro - to see my family once more.
Read more of this post...

Another coffee treat and a dose of heartfelt talk

Yesterday, my bestfriend and I finally had our first time "together" at San Francisco Coffee. We had a nice tete-a-tete as we weren't able to meet in the past week (which was not so usual.. hehe). Dining-in, I bought her a Regular Extreme Mocha; I got a Regular Extreme Latte. Just to say I "treated" her, she was saved to pay for the drink since SanFo Coffee had a Buy-1-Take-1 promo (Knavish me... hehe). Aside from the cold drinks, we ordered a plate of ready-made lasagna. The taste was fine for us - meaty and tomato-tangy - but it was not at par with my expectations. Nevertheless, we enjoyed it together with the frapps.


We talked a lot, one topic segued to another. More of the conversation went mostly about my recent experiences. One of these was my late sojourn at Puerto Galera for our company outing.

As per our convention of telling past stories, I detailed out in chronology the two days I spent at the resort - The long land and water travel from Ortigas Center to the resort; The hearty lunch I had; Swimming during "free time" before the game activities commenced; Actively participated in the charades game and ultimate Amazing-Race-like relay I and my fellow officemates won (Yes, we won!); The dinner and booze session alongside the beach with an acoustic band; The return-to-resort gift certificate I won for guessing the right song in "Name that Tune"; Snorkling (without snorkling set... err) on the next day and saw a number of mature sea urchins hiding partly beneath colorful corals....

Telling all of that, we got into talking about the ubiquitous topic of love. I didn't know where it came from (probably from the caffeine in my glass); I just spilled in the thoughts of a not yet moved-on person in love.

In a blatant manner, I told her nothing has changed with my feelings toward Shane (not his real name); I am still straddled on the starting lane. Moving on, in my case, would take a long time especially from a person whom I have invested so much emotions. It would be a lie to pretend I have moved on yet I haven't gone a lap towards my goal. It's sickening... yet I am accepting it. Small steps are what I make... at least I am stepping away.

Aside from those two unrelated topics, we had a few ramblings and thinking-out-louds. Until the next coffee session....
Read more of this post...