Today marks my second anniversary of a working life in the so-called software industry arena. Such a milestone it is to be celebrated by a typical one; I am half-hearted about it. Well, apparently I am employed in this not-so-locally-known-but-internationally-acknowledged company in its Software Engineering Department. I would say it has been a pretty slow-paced, on-the-average, and intermittently-stressing-and-boring stay in this office. My liking and motivation to persist and do my best has gradually degraded since the day I joined. Even my will-boosted and often faux interest to the work loads I've had and are currently dealing with seem to have reached half-life. Simply put, I am on the verge of resignation.
Why? Chiefly because this is not the ultimate goal that my psyche has constructed way back three years ago. I've known myself to be very persistent in most of my endeavors. Even if an attempt lacks interest to me but seems to be compelling, I'd boost myself to be enthused and do things well in as much as I'd do something of my liking. I think this is one attitude that kept me going in the past years (aside from the bigger starting salary I had then).
But recently, my batteries seem to be discharging faster than before....
Being in this company, I would say, is an endeavor of an amateur yuppy to have a quick satisfying taste of the wild world of corporate life, and to feel the sensation and enjoyment of withdrawing an above-average monthly salary from the passive ATM. I think that's very typical for most aspiring fresh grads - to eye for big-salary-giving companies. In this third world country, it's very common to put financial gain over the top of the priority list, even if one's passion is compromised. And I am guilty of that.
I decided to foray in the software industry (the sensible thing to do, given that I am a Computer Science graduate) partly because of my loved-ones, especially my parents, whom weren't very much supportive to my passion; and partly because of my being the eldest in an average middle-class family in a provincial town. My being a top student of my contemporaries was seen by my parents as a big advantage to land on a satisfying job and not using it to our benefit would seem to be wasteful (Well, they were just being practical, and I totally understood that. Besides, not all parents are "fortunate" to have an academically acclaimed child). Ultimately, I needed to decide; And I decided to give the software industry and this company a try....
I know I sound bitter telling all of this. Well, my life here [in this company] hasn't been all unpleasantly experienced. I have had my dose of good happenings too - I have good colleagues and a pleasant environment. I am even friends with some. It's just that, to blatantly aver my mere dismay, I am not anymore happy with what I am doing.
Well, I guess this is just a phase I need to deal with determination and conviction, with less compromises to burden. At the end of the day, when my resignation comes, I still need to decide on what to do next, 'cause that's what life's about - making decisions.
P.S.
If I would not have been employed by October of 2005, I would have been living my dream by now - teaching my students the best way I can! Then again, I would not be the person I am now if not for the things I have learned and experienced in my life as a software developer.
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