Life Goes On

Oh life goes on
And it's only gonna make me strong
It's a fact, once you get on board
Say good-bye 'cause you can't go back
Oh it's a fight, and I really wanna get it right
Where I'm at, is my life before me
Got this feelin' that I can't go back

Nostalgia has crept me this afternoon with this song from Leann Rimes. I've been into this might-have-been phase in the past days. Hope has been there; Jeopardy awaited; Tears have fallen... I tell you, I am not good dealing with such situations, most especially open-ended ones. A _____ ending is what I need. Life should move on.

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My recent had been a 5-year unrequited longing. I tell you, moving on then wasn't in my vocabulary as I was very persistent; Hopeful. But then, I had to cut it hurtfully.

The roots of the resilient tree were pulled gradually from the barren soil.
With severely wounded roots from deracination, the tree is now planted to new soil.
The tree's life goes on.

Love's paragon

"Love is always patient and kind; It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins but delights in the truth; It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes."

- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

I have always been stunned by this biblical passage since the day I was totally introduced to it, when I watched the film adaptation of Nicholas Sparks' A Walk to Remember. Since then, it has been one of the few biblical verses I love.

Swimming, I miss

It's been almost two weeks and I haven't touched the pool for another swim. Maybe that's why I've been ill lately. LOL. I just miss swimming...

Anyway, for all you people out there who want to learn swimming the e-FISH-ient way, you are fortunate 'cause I'm informing you now that swimming classes for kids and adults are conducted at Colegio de San Agustin swimming pool area in Dasmarinas Village, Makati. The swimming classes are headed by a group of swimming professionals and enthusiasts who have undergone training the Total Immersion way (Click the link to learn more about this swimming program). The course is typically a learn to swim program that utilizes the basic stroke, the front crawl, which is popularly known as freestyle.

Swimming freestyle efficiently is very advantageous for those who are into triathlon or for those who plan to venture into such activity. I tell you, if you learn freestyle the Total Immersion way, you'll surely swim it with ease and grace (I can attest to that, as I have employed the program's principles to my swimming routine).

If you want to know more about the swimming classes, you may click here.

It....

IS WEIRD
... when you suddenly transcend to the 4th position from being the 31st in a class
... when you enjoy integration and differentiation in calculus, together with analytic geometry while your classmates are freaking nervous whenever an 8-page fully-graphed exam paper is given by your weird teacher
... when you memorize all the currencies of all the countries in the world and be called a walking encyclopedia
... when you get the highest grades from all the highest-weighted subjects but you're not even the Valedictorian or the Salutatorian
... when you make the school team win in a knowledge quiz bee competition despite you being just a one-day replacement for an absent member
... when you get a perfect score in your final exam in Numerical Analysis and half of your classmates are dying to pull their scores up to the passing mark
... when you become the class president, when you tutor your other classmates in Calculus, Statistics, Discrete Mathematics and Accounting... despite you being the youngest

SUCKS
... when you live-up a year unknowingly wavering your relationship with your one best friend
... when you do not realize enough how your best friend cares and appreciates you
... when you can't bring back the same relationship you've had with your best friend simply because now is not yesterday
... when you cry in the presence of your teacher and classmates because of a line from the Secret of the Fox
... when you're foolishly in love
... when you love and not be loved in return
... when people think just because you're queer you're all loquacious and promiscuous
... when you get exposed to premature sexual encounters that taint your innocence
... when people think you're all perfect when you're not
... when you're misunderstood
... when you're too kind
... when you unintentionally hurt someone's feelings

My high school crush knows I'm queer

Before you think of anything about this high school crush of mine, let me tell you straight, it's not a HE but a SHE. Yes, Roxie (not her real name of course - she'll kill me for this name though), who is a close friend of mine, was also my high school crush. Well, I must admit I had a few good looking guy schoolmates then and I admired them for being such. Then again, they were just mere eye candies to the gullible queer eyes.

I'd been meaning to meet Roxie. One reason for that was I owe her a coffee drink... no, two coffee drinks from Starbucks. We had a few attempts in the past year to meet up for coffee, but our busy schedules weren't fitting enough. Last Friday, July 27, was the fulfillment of a long-awaited day, and I got a revelation for her she didn't expect.

Apparently, my "telling the story" of our rendezvous was not initially planned. For all I knew then, I just wanted to meet her personally to exchange each other's recent stories and catch up on our friendship. Though we got to talk almost everyday through Instant Messaging over Yahoo! Messenger, we did not often have all the time to chitchat (We had work to do, you know... hehe). It's just fortunate timing that I was confident enough to open up to her.

I was so at ease to tell her about who I really am, which was surprisingly weird to me, as I was not good being in such a situation. I divulged the truth, but not through verbal execution, as lingering folks were just nearby - I didn't want to be in peril of "being known" by unknown people, not totally ready for that. So, I simply made a draft SMS on my phone, averring the queerness in me, and just said to read it from there and to tell me frankly her reactions. The SMS merely was...

Would you believe...
I'm gay...
Naghinala ka na ba dati pa? (Did you ever suspect I was such?)

Roxie did not have any sign of disdain, oddity or even mere surprise on her face. She was more of speechless I guessed (Or maybe because I was mostly doing all the talking and didn't give her the time to speak without me interrupting). I asked her again if she had suspicions, way back in our high school years, that I was a queer lad hiding in the closet. Her simple answer was no. She added that even if there were people asking her about my identity then in school, she simply said I wasn't what they were thinking - I was simply "that". (For one good feeling, I was touched by what Roxie said. She somehow "unknowingly" defended my vulnerable self then, who wasn't ready to unlock the closet)

The conversation went on; I did a fast track of the queer stuff of my yore to what's been in the recent. Roxie just listened patiently to my statements of far-out experiences and reformed beliefs. She did not expect I had gone through such occurrences and situations, of premature illicit sexual exposure, lack of familial emotional support, etcetera...

Happiness was what Roxie felt for me - that I was finally into what I had been neglecting years back. She just advised me on the realm that I am into. And I thanked her for that.

We finished our drinks way ahead the culmination of our talk. The mall was already closing when we finally capped the date. We parted ways with anticipation to meet once again before my departure to Israel.

Roxie had a great time, as she said she had. I had a meaningful moment with her as well. It's really nice to share life to close people, like close friends. It's like refurbishing olden ties to make them stronger.

I believed since then, that our friendship has become more grounded. Besides, as far as I can recall, that was our first heart to heart conversation. Thanks Roxie! (^_^)

A "Real" Trip to Jerusalem

This is breath taking! I just received a confirmation e-mail from my superiors that I'll be going to Israel for a two-month project in our newly acquired office there. Apparently, it's flattering to have myself chosen. Then again, it's a bit nerve-wrecking that I only have one week to prepare before the expected departure to the "Holy Place". Gosh! I am not so prepared!

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(1754 : This just in!) Good news for me. I got an e-mail that my flight will be deferred until August 17. Whew... Now I have more time to prepare myself for it. (^_^)

Only Human

While I was fixing my hair this morning and listening to my phone's music playlist, Jed Madela's revival of Human (from his new album Jed Madela: Only Human) went on playing.

It's not my attitude to pay much attention to the words of a song, or to any song for that matter. As long as I like the melody, I'd appreciate the music. I've heard Human a number of times as I often play it from my office laptop but I never heed its lyrics. I just realized this morning that the song ponders on a human fact that most people overuse and "lamely" use.

Human, born to make mistakes....

It's true, we humans are faulty; But we should not focus on such predisposing reality that we may and we can avoid doing. Most people would make use of this as an excuse to their misdemeanors. I surmise it's a natural attack from their defensive minds. I too am guilty of such. On the other hand, I think it's better to mind what we can do on averting mistakes instead of just letting ourselves merely vulnerable... Just a thought. (^_^)

Live Free or Die Hard

John McClane never fails to entertain me with his death-defying and superficially executed stunts in this fourth serving of the Die Hard series. This time, John's into plotting the mastermind of a hacking scheme that wreaks havoc to the American denizens.

Generally, I am not a fan of hard action-packed films, but Die Hard is an exception to it. I like how Bruce Willis portrays the role of gutsy and easy-going McClane. Not to mention, I am an admirer of Bruce Willis. (^_^)

Photo courtesy of Wikipedia

Infected by Trinoma

A new frontier disease is lurking at the northernmost terminus of the MRT station, and the Ayala elites call it Trinoma. Haha!

Well, I just can't seem to stop wondering why this mall is called Trinoma. It really sounds like a disease - I've known a number of people, coming from my friends and from some individuals of the Web, who would agree on this. Trinoma can seemingly be listed on a medical book together with carcinoma, helanoma, adenoma, lymphadenoma, neurinoma and seminoma. Even its "root word" noma (as I assume tri- to be a prefix, which indicates the triangular area covered by the mall) is defined by WordNet as an acute ulceration of the mucous membranes of the mouth or genitals; often seen in undernourished children.

OK... enough of the blah blah....

Trinoma, according to a WordPress blog I saw last week, is named as such to mean Triangle North of Makati/Manila. Gosh... I think the choice of acronym is plain feebleness. Anyway....

Last Saturday, I was there. Yes I was... to meet my college clique for another "chaotic" reunion.

As I'd known it to be, Trinoma was still in it's soft opening phase, with several unopened stores and sections. Below are some pictures I took while lingering inside the 4-level infrastructure.

Apparently Feminine!

Personality tests, IQ tests, psychological tests... the list goes on. Such tests are a fancy to my curious mind. Almost all of the time, whenever I bump into a website, like Tickle, I'd get myself answering an interesting one.

A few days back, I took the "Your Gender Identity" test. It's not that I am not certain on the gender traits that I have, don't get me wrong. I have known myself to be more feminine than masculine, and that's what I expected the outcome of the exam would be. And so, it did.

Well, that was a bit surprising, 63% femininity, crawling through my veins and nerves. The result was a tad shy than what I anticipated. It seemed my system's getting favor now from my endocrinal testosterone.

My gender type according to the outcome? Androgynous.

Androgynous: People who are androgynous have both strong masculine and strong feminine qualities. Androgynous people tend to be both action and people oriented, and are usually able to successfully take on a diverse range of roles that cross gender-role boundaries.

Well, I surmise it's a fact - I'm really straddling in between! (^_^)